Why Did My Second Baby Matter More To Doctors?
It seems that way to anyone that has found themselves pregnant after loss, doesn't it?
With such a high percentage of stillbirths being preventable, it does make you start to wonder.
My pregnancy with Laurelai was a normal one. I had horrible morning sickness and other typical pregnancy symptoms. She had no issues. She was healthy. She was perfect. Yet, she died.
I know that it's not as simple as it sounds. I know that a lot has to change. It needs to change.
A normal pregnancy gets one, maybe two ultrasounds throughout an entire 9 month period. Insurance typically only covers one unless a doctor deems it medically necessary to have more.
A mother with a normal pregnancy comes off as paranoid if they come in and have a gut feeling. A lot of doctors do a fetal Doppler and if the heart rate is in the normal range, we get sent home. If a high risk mother, will typically be looked at more closely and there is more empathy and understanding.
I find both of these things completely unacceptable. First, money and insurance shouldn't dictate a patients care...it shouldn't be a matter of life or death because that's what it is. Life or death. With such a high stillbirth rate, new protocols should be implemented.
Why is it that we have to lose a baby for our next baby to be looked at properly?
Why should our gut instincts as mothers be pushed to the side simply because we aren't considered high risk?
Now, I know that not all doctors are the same. I know some doctors are wonderful. However, the truth of the matter is that insurance issues and lacking protocols are far too prevelant.
I went into my doctor the DAY BEFORE my daughter died. Her heart rate was always in the 150's. It never wasn't actually. Every month it was in that range. The day before she died it was 134. I know that is still considered to be in the normal range but the truth was that it wasn't for my baby. If they would have done an ultrasound and checked her cord blood flow, they most likely would have seen an issue and taken her out since I was considered basically term. But they didn't. They didn't even look. They simply told me to eat some food and relax, reassuring me that her heart rate was still considered normal.
With my last pregnancy, my daughters heart rate was a tad bit all over the place but I went in one day for my monthly check up and her heart rate was 134. I literally had a panic attack in my doctors office as I was mentally thrown into the past. My doctor reassured me that it was normal range but guess what she did? She checked the cord, amongst other things. My daughter was and is fine. But why was this pregnancy any different? Why did Indy seem to be more important than Laurelai?
It shouldn't be that way and normal range or not, why isn't doing more frequent ultrasounds especially when a mother is coming in saying something feels off, simply done.
I brushed off by Laurelai's doctor but she could have been saved if they would have simply done an ultrasound.
And this isn't something that rarely happens. Cord issues are a huge percentage of stillbirths. I see so many stories exactly like mine. So many babies that would be here if normal pregnancies were treated more like high risk.
It shouldn't be this way.
It needs to stop.
The only way for change to be made is to be aware and educate ourselves. To speak our stories and speak up against the medical negligence that happens every single day.
If you are pregnant and haven't lost a baby, please listen to your body and listen to your baby. Don't be afraid to come off as paranoid or anxious. Demand that they look into things. I wish more than anything I knew then what I knew now. Things would be so different.
Things would be so different if my pregnancy with Laurelai mattered as much as the ones following her.
❤️ Sending love and positive energy,