Coping with Baby Shower Invites
You have lost your precious baby and you get an invite to a baby shower from a close friend or family member. Your eyes fill with bittersweet tears as you read the details and you are filled with a resentment that you wish you didn't feel.
This is such a common scenario amongst grieving mothers. You are happy for this person experiencing the joy of having a child but you also have conflicting emotions. I am here to tell you that not only is it okay to have those feelings; it's also normal.
I am also here to tell you something else.
You don't have to go.
Sometimes we feel an obligation to go and that obligation can be suffocating. But here's the truth:
If they are supportive person in your life then they will understand.
Sometimes it feels like people should "just know" that you aren't ready for that. It seems insensitive, right? But here's the truth:
They won't know unless you communicate.
Grief is different for everyone and is not linear.
I lost my sweet Laurelai twelve years ago. Throughout the years, I have been invited to many baby showers. I would accept or decline the invite based on my emotional state. Sometimes I felt like I could go and sometimes I felt like I couldn't. Both were okay. I was honoring my emotions and creating boundaries.
There were a couple of times that people got upset when I told them I couldn't go but it's not our responsibility to manage others emotions. Only ours. So although, I could understand their feelings I had to put mine first and honestly, you are still honoring the persons special event because let's be real...nobody wants to have their friend bawling in the corner at their shower whether they are empathetic to you or not. Sometimes it feels selfish but I promise you that it is not.
They have invited you to their baby shower so invite them into your grief process.
Communication works wonders. Tell them how you feel or tell them you aren't sure how you feel. If you decide to go and then have to leave, warn them that it's possibility beforehand.
Only you know if attending a baby shower is something you are ready for and whether you decide to attend or not, it is okay.
Remember, your feelings are valid. Your baby matters and your grief is okay.
Sending love and positive energy,